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Looking for the Right One(s) (2): The Qualities of Partners and Partnerships

In the previous post on the topic, Looking for the Right One(s): The 4 Factors that Determine the Pairing Off, we saw that the 4 factors ( (nature, nurture, quantity, and quality of mates) create a hierarchy of dominance comprised stereotypically of 5 imaginary categories or "ranks" of individuals: Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, and Omega based on their competitiveness in the mate-searching game. While Alphas can be described as cerebral, wise, thinking, sensible, methodical, logical, rational, active, powerful, dominant, elitist, selective, competitive, tough, exhibitionist, extrovert, sharp, fast, loud, in need of something to protect (and fight for its defense), with a sense of honor, pride, and ownership over their partner, leaders, original, responsible for insemination, social fragmentation, and war, Omegas can be described with the exact opposite features. Both ranks provide a very easy-to-read checklist description of characteristics that are non-contradictory and congruent. This is not the case, however, with Gamma individuals in the middle who happen to pick something from both opposite sides. The exact distribution of characteristic traits among Alpha, Omega, and Gamma individuals and what kinds of relationships it leads to would be the subject of this post.


The partners' qualities

We have established before the straight relationship between alph-ish and male characteristics, omeg-ish and female characteristics, and the inverse relationship between alpha-ish and female characteristics, omega-ish and male characteristics. In other words, we consider Alphas to be masculine and Omegas to be feminine regardless of their sex. This specific leads to differences in the way we perceive the same characteristic depending on the sex it is to be applied to: what is traditionally considered to be softness in a female is weakness in a male, while what is considered a strength in a male is considered hardness in a female when it comes to the way both individuals interact externally with the outside physical world. The opposite is true when it comes to the way both individuals root themselves in the spiritual world internally. I suggest the below table for clarity:

female

Omega

Gamma (+)

​Gamma (-)

Alpha

quality

the most feminine

the best of both

the worst of both

the least feminine

on the inside

weak

strong

weak

strong

on the outside

soft

soft

hard

hard

male

Alpha

Gamma (-)

Gamma (+)

Omega

quality

the most masculine

the worst of both

the best of both

the least masculine

on the inside

hard

hard

soft

soft

on the outside

strong

weak

strong

weak

The names


In Thus Spoke Zarathustra, On the Friend, Nietzsche notoriously proclaimed that all [single/ available] women are either cats, birds, or in the best case, cows :D If I were to draw a parallel, Alphas would be cats, Gamma(-) would be birds, and Omegas would be cows. And if you are thinking that the comparison cannot get any more offensive and downgrading, in the popular psychology literature, Gammas(-) are referred to as "cactuses" that have thorns on the outside (=behave as if they don't care and play it cool) but are actually gelly-like on the inside (unstable, insecure and riddled with self-doubt and complexes). Omegas are stigmatized as "doormats" for lacking any boundaries because of their softness and no solid core. Both male and female Alphas are described as merciless CEOs, but the female Gamma(+) is triumphantly called goddess :D While I have not encountered a label for the male Gamma(+), the logic would suggest we call him a god. As all of these names are laughable and ridiculous to me, I have chosen to stick with the letters of the Greek alphabet to maintain the neutrality that is necessary for objectivity. For the same reason, I refrain from using archetypical names as they also add unnecessary meanings and connotations.


The labels


In the above table, the label "weak" refers to people with too low or too high self-esteem and an inclination towards manipulation to get their way, while the label "strong" refers to people with realistic self-esteem who are concerned about doing "the right" thing by exercising virtue. On the other hand, we may use "hard" to describe someone who is inconsiderate toward others and places their desires, plans, ideas, and principles above the humane concerns with people's feelings, emotions, and instincts, while a "soft" person would be someone considerate who does the opposite.


The "ideal"


Interestingly, the ideal combination of character traits for a female would be strong on the inside and soft on the outside, while for a male, it would be the reverse - soft on the inside and strong on the outside. It has to do with the fact that female nature manifests by putting on the outside display the feelings, emotions, and instincts, while the motivations/ desires, plans, ideas, and principles are beneath. Males, on the other hand, keep their feelings, emotions, and instincts beneath their outwardly expressed desires, plans, ideas, and principles.


When the outer layer is "soft" (as in females) or "weak" (as in males), we are able to penetrate the core and be attracted or repulsed by it. A female with realistic self-esteem and strong values would be more attractive than one without them. This is why the female Gamma(+) is capable of a healthy relationship the way the female Omega is not, and a considerate man would be more attractive than one who is out of touch with his feelings, emotions, and instincts. This is why the male Gamma(+) is capable of a healthy relationship the way the male Alpha is not. A hard or strong shell keeps the inside hidden, which makes it hard to tell an Alpha from a Gamma(+) male and an Alpha from a Gamma(-) female. But the chance of finding beneath a single's outer layer a cold-hearted male is 100%, while the chance of finding a sleazy female is 50%. This is so because Gamma(+) individuals become such only after elaboration with a partner. In other words, there are no "best of both worlds" single people. All available material on the "Hobbesian meat market" is always raw, uncooked, and requires patient treatment. This also means that all see-through women are either weak/ sleazy or strong/ great but already taken. See-through/ weak men can be either hard/ ruthless Gamma(-) charmers and womanizers or soft and tender-hearted (omega) pleasers. A man with a heart of gold who is also strong out in the physical world is also not available, but possible to be crafted out the easiest of an Alpha male into a Gamma(+) provided our outside is soft enough to make the magical transformation after an exchange of softness and strength. This brings us to the revelation that all pairing/ exchange is a metamorphosis stage for our internal (beliefs and values) and external (actions and outcomes) transformation.


The Metamorphosis


When two different quality people encounter, they are attracted to each other by virtue of their imperfections in need of a complementary union for the sake of balance, the release of tension towards stability, and a sense of wholesomeness. As it is our flows of character that stimulate us to seek completeness in the company of another, Alphas and Omegas not only pair off the easiest, but they want and need to enter into a relationship. On the other hand, Gamma(+) want to but don't need to stay in the relationship, while Gamma(-) don't want to but do stay in the relationship they have inherited from their wild days as Omegas or Alphas.

  • In time, a male Alpha and a female Omega (or a male Beta and a female Delta) produce a pair of two Gamma(+) individuals,

  • while a female Alpha and a male Omega (or a female Beta and a male Delta) produce a pair of two Gamma(-) individuals.

The "+" or "-" variation is determined by the same straight relationship between alpha-ish and male characteristics and between the omega-ish and female characteristics.

  • If the Gamma(+) pair is unfortunate to break before "death do them part," the result is two separate individuals with the opposite characteristics to the ones they had before entering the relationship: the Alpha male has become Omega, and the Omega female has become Alpha (or the Beta male has become Delta and the Delta female has become Beta).

  • If the Gamma(-) pair is fortunate to break before killing each other, the result is that the Alpha female has become Omega, and the Omega male has become Alpha (or the Beta female has become Delta, and the Delta male has become Beta).

The partnerships' qualities


Opposites may attract, but similarities stay together! While Omegas and Alphas (Deltas and Betas) find each other easily, Gammas tend to stay true to their status quo. Because people are born a particular sex rather than non-binary, we can speculate that everyone is either alpha-ish or omega-ish at the beginning of their life. We transition from then on but do not start from the gamma position of cultivated behaviors, like no one is born able to speak a particular language (one of the hallmarks of civilization) but learns it in time.


Because every relationship has 2 decisive moments: when we decide to 1) enter it and when we decide to 2) stay or leave it, there are 2 rounds or stages we find ourselves in:

  1. A 1st-round relationship between male Alpha and a female Omega (or a male Beta and a female Delta) is an unconscious act of looking to enter a healing relationship. The partners are occupied with building themselves within the relationship and steadily progress towards the Gamma(+) states for themselves.

  2. The 2nd-round relationship between the now two Gamma(+) individuals is a conscious act of 2 free wills to stay together in a healthy relationship. The partners are occupied with building their mutual bond and expanding their common self (be it through creating a family, business, or else). (For more on healthy relationships, check the second series of dedicated posts.)

OR

  1. A 1st-round relationship between female Alpha and a male Omega (or a female Beta and a male Delta) is an unconscious act of looking to enter an aggravating relationship. The partners are occupied with burning their mutual bond/ whatever was there to link them at the start and shrinking their common self, which results in their steady regress towards the Gamma(-) states for themselves.

  2. The 2nd-round relationship between the now two Gamma(-) individuals is a conscious act of 2 free wills to stay together in a toxic relationship. The partners are occupied with burning/destroying themselves within the relationship. (For more on toxic relationships, check the first series of dedicated posts.)

Before you draw the hasty conclusion that if you happen to be an Alpha/Beta female or Omega/Delta male, you are doomed to unhappiness in relationships, I would like to point to the fact that a healthy relationship is possible for you after a toxic relationship is overcome before that. But even the aggravating and toxic rounds of your first/ preliminary relationship will feel happy because they will feed you with the emotions you craved even if they are conventionally typified as "negative." Once you saturate your taste for them, you will want and will be ready to move on to the next round. And before you think it unfair that you have to transition to get it "right" in love from the 2nd attempt, I'd like to point out that it is just as hard for the people who are already in a healthy relationship to stay in it among all the seductive distractions around Gamma(+) people. It is a real test of character to stay together when you have it all, which is as difficult as getting out of a toxic relationship when there is nothing left for you in it. Thus, the biggest challenge before the will of a male Alpha/Beta and a female Omega/Delta is staying together after they have become Gamma(+), while the biggest challenge before the will of a female Alpha/Beta and a male Omega/Delta is getting away from each other after they have become Gamma(-). The cycle of the total of 4 rounds/ kinds of relationships described above would be:

the relationships cycle form aggravating through toxic and healing to healthy
The Relationships Cycle

A note on the colors and cycles


I chose yellow vs. blue for the healthy vs. toxic relationships to reference the day and night; when the bright sun is up, and when it's the furthest away from view together with its warming and enlightening shine. For the healing relationships, I chose green, like the leaves that produce the oxygen we breathe. The rolling downhills (=falling in love) I colored pink for the rose-colored glasses we wear when we give in to temptation. The sequence follows the color spectrum order, which is just as cyclical as the rotation of night and day, life and death (Plato would add), or any other. The cycle of emotions, in particular, is relevant to the kinds of relationships we entangle ourselves in with others. This cycle goes up and down, spinning us around Fortune and Lady Philosophy. Regardless of where we might find ourselves, it was our choice and creative act to be there. We can enter the next round of the same relationship or leave it altogether, but we cannot turn back time or cling to the entry stage of a relationship that is over; we must push and pull through. I believe Aristotle was right to say that we start craving the emotions [and the relationships] we feel a deficiency of in our experiences from the full spectrum of humanly available emotions. Moving toward what we feel is missing cannot be wrong in my book as long as it is not burying us alive in the past. (If you think about it, even our bodies can move only forwards! If we were designed to move backward, maybe we would have eyes on the back or be able to play with time.) If we refrain from (self-)judgment, we may find that it is not a big deal moving about - It's only love, not the end of the universe. However, this lightness of heart and mind is attainable only by those who do not believe that their single limited lifetime on earth is their only test to be taken in front of a severe examiner with no retake options. Instead, the light-minded and light-hearted believe that life is part of an endless adventure in a time-space continuum we invented for the sake of our own entertainment. Both of these (world)views have their pros and cons I will discuss in a specially dedicated post series.







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Krasimira Georgieva, krasimira.kate@gmail.com

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